More Brass than Class - Potty Training Update

We are now 4 weeks into potty training. Not that I'm counting or anything. And I personally feel we have come miles from when I last wrote about this. I'll get to how far Cian has come in a minute, but I feel personally I have developed a lot throughout this project. How Zaz? How have you developed as a person and a mother? Well reader, let me tell you.

I have always been a pretty patient person when it comes to Cian. It takes a lot for me to lose my sh*t. But in those rare scenarios (I'm being kind, they happen more frequently than they should) the only effective method I have found that has truly kept me from throwing my child, or myself, out the window, is the 'tag-team approach'. I'm sure many of you use it, and not necessarily with a child, maybe a pet, or a drunk friend? This approach basically has you taking five minutes to calm down, and letting someone else deal with the child, dog, or drunk friend. In this scenario my someone else is Jack, and my drunk friend is Cian. 

This tag-team approach, however, wasn't really available for the first few weeks of potty training, as my hubby was away from home. So I had to crack on and deal with this infuriating madness solo. As you might be aware, potty training is basically being stuck in a never-ending cycle of asking whether your child needs the potty, their refusal, and then a subsequent puddle beneath them. It is fr*ckin infuriating! It was really make it or break it for me, and you'll be pleased to hear I've lived to tell the tale. My patience threshold is so high right now that I could happily wait in a traffic jam for hours and hours! Obviously this scenario assumes Cian isn't in the car with me, otherwise we'd have one of those "losing my sh*t" scenarios I previously mentioned, followed by someone being flung out the vehicle (and Cian's lighter than me so...). 

Potty training has also made me so thankful for the little things. Peeing in a potty is absolutely fantastic, but really I am just happy when Cian manages to avoid carpeted flooring. He can pee on any other surfaces until the cows come home, and let's just say I don't think those cows are coming home any time soon. Valuable lesson number 2 - set expectations low. Like rock bottom low. Then it's pretty hard to be disappointed.

I know, I know. You're thinking, 'enough about you Zaz, how has Cian been getting on?' So from his daily nursery reports and my own observations, Cian has been doing pretty well! He has started telling us when he needs the toilet and sitting on the toilet without much less bribery than when we first started. Of course he's still frequently having accidents, but that's normal. But, there is one problem. One I did not foresee. And at the risk of taking this blog post down a notch in class, I will try to expand as eloquently as possible. I must warn you though, I am naturally more brass than class.

So, my mum had mentioned very vaguely a few months ago, when she came round with a car load of stuff from my childhood, that I might benefit from my brother's old potty. Yes, a 26 year-old potty. Surely that would be classified as an antique? Anyway, my mum had said something about the lip at the front of this potty being higher, she said she found it helpful when potty training a boy. I didn't give that comment much thought. Well, not until it hit me. No, like it literally hit me. Cian was on the potty peeing, and all of a sudden, his willy sprung up out of the potty, and I got sprayed with pee. It then started to sink in. Yes literally, the pee was starting to sink into my clothes. And at that moment, I realised this is exactly what my mum was on about! Now my mum is absolutely full to the brim with wisdom. She is an absolute fountain of knowledge and advice. But she is not the best at explaining things from the very start. Actually, she tends to start a story somewhere in the middle, and just assumes you know what the fr*ck she's on about. This was one of those times.


Now people might ask 'What's the key to eternal happiness?' But the only question I am concerned with right now is 'how do I keep my boy's willy down when he's peeing!?' Honestly though, if you answered that question for me, I would be eternally happy! For me, eternal happiness is not cleaning the floors 3 times in any one hour period. It is not having to say "hold it down" over and over again, every time your son uses the potty. It is not hearing "oh oh" when a potty trip goes awry. I swear, if anyone checked my google history right now.. I'd be in for some heavy questioning by the police. Googling "how to keep a boys willy down" just doesn't look great, does it?

So my quest for eternal happiness continues. If I ever find the answer, believe me I will let you know. Who knows, maybe my next blog post will be 'I've found the Key to Happiness'. You'll have to watch this space.