7-Year-Old Zara - Wise Beyond Her Years

Me and my Bro
Mum enjoyed bright colours

Since as early as I can remember, I knew I wanted to be a mother. I would go well and truly gaga for babies from a young young age. I actually remember regularly pleading with my mum to have another baby. Is it weird that I was broody at the age of 7? I mean, I just googled it there, and it would seem that it is weird? Who knew! 

Anyway, my ideal childhood scenario would have been my mother having another child when I was about 7 years-old. Really, it would have only been smart from my mum's perspective. I would have been an absolute asset to the care-giving process. Raising a child would have been a breeze. If her back was sore, I could have pushed the pram. If she was busy with housework, I could have entertained the baby. Really, if she had only seen it from my perspective, it would have been an absolute no-brainer.

Instead, my dear naive mother had other ideas. She, like many, opted to have her kids close together. What a fool! She conceived my brother when I was just a little blob at 9 months old. I think she must have been in some serious parenting denial. But, delightful children can do that to you. I must have been an absolute angel. That's really the only justification for this, isn't it?

I remember when Cian was a baby. When we were around my friends, he was a pleasure. But as soon as we were alone again, he was Satan incarnate. Now I am no conspiracy theorist, unlike my husband who believes in every conspiracy going. Seriously, September is his favourite month of the year. No, not because it's our wedding anniversary. No, not because we go on holiday then. It's because you can't turn on your TV without another September 11th conspiracy program being on. Actually, come to think of it, any conspiracy theory is Jack's thing. Chernobyl, Bin Ladin, Walt Disney, you name it, he loves it.

No, that's not Cian. That's my brother!

Mum, me, my brother

Personally, I think babies themselves are a conspiracy. Babies are pre-programmed to be so adorably cute when you're in public, or around your friends or family. And they save the real them for when you are all alone. My theory is that this encourages others to procreate. Their end goal is ultimately to build a baby army and rule the world. Really, for them, it's all about world domination.

So my theory is, that I must have been such a fantastic and easy child, that my mum was brainwashed into thinking 2 children under 2 was a fabulous idea. Before you roll your eyes, and shoot down my very well thought out theory. I just want to inform you that I did study Behavioural Psychology. Therefore I am fully qualified to make this bold proclamation. Side note: If I ever decided to do a PhD, I would totally make this my dissertation topic. 'An investigation into the role of infant manipulation on the number of fetal conceptions'.

You might be thinking I'm too pessimistic. But reader, believe me, that is not without reason. As I write this, I have endured 60 minutes, and counting, of Cian whining that he needs a 'number two'. What's the big deal? Well, for 60 minutes, and counting, he has been refusing to try to do one. This is the 7th night of this. Infuriating is an understatement. That guy from those Saw movies, could  honestly learn a few things from my toddler. He has already mastered the art of parental torture. 

Rocking Yellow

Anyway, getting back on track here. I feel I should clarify 7-year old Zara's thoughts. I adored my brother. I was very fortunate to have him, and him me. He is pretty hilarious. It's good that the funny gene was equally split between us. Seven-year-old me was not trading my current brother in for a younger one. This was not a one in, one out, sort of arrangement. I was simply asking my mother for an additional sibling. But I must not have been too convincing, as I am the proud owner of just one sibling. 

Now I know that a lot of families out there decide to have their children close in age. And you know what, that's great, good for them! There are so many benefits to that. For me though, I'm going to stick with 7-year-old me. She was wise beyond her years. We will be waiting until Cian is well and truly out of the toddler/terrible twos/testing boundaries/poo withholding/terrorising/dictator phase before we think about expanding our family. For me there are so many more benefits to this approach:

1) Cian will be super helpful. He will do housework, change nappies, make me lunch. He's going to be fully domesticated by the age of 5. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Well, he's a young dog, so he'll catch on.

2) Hell no to double nursery fees. Benefit - Cian would be at school! Paying for a full-time place in a city centre nursery is really not healthy for anyone's bank account. I live for the day I pay no nursery fees. We could genuinely holiday in the Maldives twice a year, every year!

3) Reusing toys! If there is a big age gap, Cian's toys will become the baby's toys, and Cian will be onto more advanced toys. Ergo, no fighting! My family will live in complete harmony.

So, really I have this family planning stuff sussed out.

But, if I am being completely honest, this decision has nothing to do with 7-year-old me. Really, for us it's down to two things, life circumstances and cost. Well, mainly cost. Did you know that in 25 years, childcare has doubled. DOUBLED! Who authorised that! I envy those who have grandparents involved in the childcare process. My parents are too god damn young. But, come to think of it, if we wait long enough for our next child, maybe one of my parents will have retired? And everyone knows, retirement = free childcare!!