You Can't Polish a Turd

Nappy change at 3 days old

I am not even going to waste my energy attempting to make this blog post high brow. This post is all about poos. You can package them up any way you want. I guess some people might find other words less offensive? Maybe saying poo-poo sounds cuter? I don't know. But in reality, you can't polish a turd, so why try. For the record my poos will not be discussed here, just my son's poos. He's only 2, so that's more acceptable right?

One thing that never really bothered me about having a baby, was the poo. Actually, from birth you are encouraged to monitor your child's poos quite closely. I would always be pretty pleased when he produced one. It was far better than the alternative. Constipation is not funny. I think it helps that for as long as I can remember, talking about bowel movements has been encouraged in my family. I honestly believe that's the way to do it. Get it out in the open. The discussion, not the poo. I do know that not everyone is like me and mine. Some people don't take too kindly to discussing today's bowel movements at the dinner table. I learnt that quite early on with Jack's family. 

Even the insults I used as a child centred around stools. My go-to insult was always 'poo head'. "You're a poo head". Actually, come to think of it, that is still my go-to insult, especially when I drive. Cian regularly asks me if drivers on the road are poo heads. Don't roll your eyes. That's far better than me calling them another sort of 'head'. Anyway, now that I have given you a bit of history, I will get started on the reason for this post. Cian's poos.

So, as you may well know, we are in the midst of potty training Cian. And so far it has been going pretty well. I had been rocking potty parenting. I mean, anything is better than the horrific start we had in October (see blog post "The Apottylypse"). But now the problem we are having, is Cian doesn't want to produce poos. He is withholding them from me. Well, he is trying to withhold them. And he is getting into a right state when he loses that battle. The battle with gravity, his body and anything else that is involved in the process. I'm not a body expert, I'm not sure what else is involved?

This is definitely a frustrating turn of events. Especially when we were doing pretty well. I just don't understand why all of a sudden he has started to feel so anxious towards pooing. He was doing so well a few weeks ago? Could he be embarassed? Might he have had a bad poo experience? A poosperience? Maybe someone has been talking bad about his poos? Definitely not me, I am very supoortive. Get it? SuPOOrtive? 

Cian in his 'Magic Jumper'

So, when I dropped him off at nursery the other day, I explained my thoughts to his key worker and she agreed he was definitely not constipated, he was fighting the urge to poo. Initially I thought Cian might just be constipated. I could tell he needed the toilet, and he kept saying he needed to go too. But when he got within milometers of the potty, he was out of there. Faster than his father during a nappy change. Dare I say, I miss nappies! I really thought this guessing game stopped when they learnt how to speak. I mean, really that's the only benefit of this speaking nonsense. Knowing what they want, or what's wrong. Hearing "MUM!" shouted constantly isn't that fun. Nor is hearing his list of demands. "I WANT MORE GRAPES! MUM, I SAID I WANT MORE GRAPES!" Oh believe me, that's a direct quote from last night. 

As a serial Googler, Google that was my first port of call. As a result, I have now ordered TWO children's books. All about how poos are great. So hopefully reading those over and over again will help. Is it bad that I am already dreading tonight. He has successfully fought off the poo two nights in a row, so surely it's going to make itself known tonight? Unless he's already delivered it at nursery? That would be an absolute treat. Would it be too much for me to call the nursery right now and find out?

I am trying everything I can think of right now. I have come up with happy poo songs and poo chants - "Poos are good, poos are fun, I let them come out my bum". I even told him this morning that his jumper had magic powers and that would help him poo. Pretty sure he was on to that lie though. This problem has literally consumed me. And Jack hates the discussion altogether. I need to find a solution before he makes himself unwell. Please, please, please, let me know if you the answer! How do I make my child love poos again!?