Mumming: The 'On The Job' Learning Stuff

Seeing as I pride myself in being pretty honest when it comes to parenting. I thought, what better than writing a post all about my experiences of parenting. Because for me, being a mum has ended up being very different to what I had expected. Of course, I had expected to have an undeniable bond with my son. And I got that. I still just stare at him sometimes with so much love. Really, it could be seen to be bordering on obsession. But that's normal right? It's the part of parenting, that I did not anticipate, that I want to talk about. Just the parts that no one else tells you about. The on the job learning stuff. Of course, the good things do outweigh the bad.. most days. Unless you're going through the terrible twos.. You just need to stock pile the wine and chocolate in then.

Sleep when the baby sleeps!

So, the hardest part of parenting for me, has hands down been the lack of sleep. And if I am lucky enough to get sleep, I struggle with the number of interruptions. If Cian was a phone, he would have been sent right back to the Apple store. That boy needed recalibrated. Don't get me wrong, Cian has improved dramatically. I mean there really was only room for improvement. I had only ever heard of one child worse than Cian. But, lucky for me, in the last year he has started appreciating sleep. Maybe my shouting has got through to him? I'm joking, I don't shout at him. Not that much. But honestly, the first 18 months were horrific. I think I tried everything. 

For a sleep deprived mother, the amount of information out there on sleep-training looks promising. I was filled with hope. But sadly, the reality is, it's all a big fat lie. Take it from me, that whole sleep-training school of thought is a joke. It just gives sleep-deprived mothers out there false hope. I actually had a book which said that you could sleep train a newborn. And in my naivety, I actually tried this! At the age of 4 weeks I would wake Cian up when he slept over his allocated sleep time. I must have been insane. No wonder Cian was a horrible to me. He was getting me back for all the times I woke him up. But how was I to know? That's what this ridiculous book told me to do!

I envy mothers who say their babies are in good sleep routines. Really, I am in two minds about this. Either they are lying, or they are drugging their kids. Either way, share your tricks mothers, there's no judgement here. I guess, some babies just appreciate sleep more than others. I must have had one of those unappreciative babies. But, don't get me wrong. Cian did eventually fall into a sleep pattern. But it had absolutely nothing to do with me. That boy did whatever the hell he wanted, which actually brings me quite nicely on to my next point.

The sooner you learn to give up control, the better. Stubbornness is a massive hindrance in parenthood. Many will disagree with me. My mum always used to say "you're the boss Zara, you set the rules". That was some blue sky thinking, mother. That might have worked on me as a child. I was obviously a delightful rule abiding child. But not for Cian. He laughs in the face of discipline. My view - If you have too many rules or expectations, you will be disappointed. My advice? Approach with few rules, and rock bottom expectations.  Hard to get disappointed then!

Didn't fancy a plate that day -
Peas straight from the car boot

You might be thinking, but isn't parenting a little like marriage? All about compromise? No. It is not. I can reason with my husband (most of the time). With Cian, it's more of a dictatorship. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I put up a little fight. But ultimately, 90% of the time, the boy gets his way. The other 10%? Well that's reserved for the rare occasion I grow a pair, and stand my ground. When Mrs. Big Balls makes an appearance though, it's almost always followed by an immediate feeling of regret. Questions like "why did I start this fight?" cross my mind. Life is just easier when you play by their rules. But don't get it twisted, I'm not a neglectful mother. There are some things I do not compromise on. Teeth brushing, bathing, and saying sorry to people are all mandatory. But less important things like eating off a plate, and tidying up his toys, are completely Cian's choice. Life is too short. Pick your battles.

The final surprise of parenting for me, was how un-lazy it has made me. I guess that's a positive? I used to be pretty lazy. Pre-Cian, my weekends were spent lounging around the house, watching TV, having a few drinks. Now, I can't think of anything worse. Being locked in a confined space with a hyperactive toddler is no life to live. Now I spend my weekends doing things to exhaust Cian. Mostly outdoor activities - play parks, walks, bicycle rides, etc. I have been completely and utterly brainwashed by the idea that fresh air makes children sleep better. I have come to realise, that for some children, that is not true. Don't be a fool like me. Fresh air isn't the cure. Hell, maybe it's the problem?

I'm sure there are so many other things that I did not see coming. I mean, Cian is only 2. And i'm under no illusion that it's all uphill from here. But, maybe someone can learn from me? Those of you who have older children. I am relying on you to talk to me about your experiences. I need to be prepared for what lies ahead. What has been the biggest surprise for you? You can throw some good  surprises in there too if you want? I know it's not all bad!