Toddler. Eat. Housework. Repeat.

I'm going to be straight with you. Trying to come up with an idea for a new blog post has been a bit of a challenge. I guess this must be how actual authors feel. They pour their heart and soul into a book, it becomes a best seller (yeah, I'm being slightly full of myself here), and then they have to start all over again. But really my blogger's block (a blogger's version of writer's block) is just because nothing that remarkable has happened lately. It's just been normal day-to-day life. You know, toddler, eat, housework, repeat. 

So instead of making something up (which I totally could do), I'm just going to tell you all about the journey I have been on with my husband, Jack. Just the complete unfiltered truth of how we have found transitioning from being an in love duo, to a happy family of three. I must warn you, there are a few assumptions made here. Jack is not a communicator, so sometimes I have to fill in the gaps and guess what he is thinking. I'm sure he'll tell me how wrong I am after this post is published. So, maybe just treat this as the unedited version for now.  

So like any good love story, ours started off as a bit of a whirlwind romance. It all began in the Summer of 2010. We were both holidaying with our families at a water sports resort in Turkey. And like at any good holiday resort, there were kids clubs. Looking back, I was pretty lucky that Jack was still young enough, at the age of seventeen, to attend this kids club. And Jack was lucky that I, at the age of nineteen, had nothing better to do with my holiday than invite myself along to his kids club activities. 

The day we met!
July 2010

It was on a sandy volleyball court where we first lay eyes on each other. I distinctively remember being pretty good at volleyball that day. Maybe it was my sporting abilities that won Jack over? Or maybe going for an older girl was cooler? Anyway, whatever it was, that evening, we hit it off. Really, for me it was a combination of the tall dark and handsome look. Oh and the Irish accent. Actually, it was mainly the accent. Now, I can't speak for Jack, but I believe it was my sun kissed skin, and my excellent sporting abilities that attracted him to me. I'm being sarcastic here. I do not have sporting abilities. Well, unless you count being able to beat a two-year old in a game of tig.

Anyway, after a week together, our holiday was over. We exchanged numbers (and Bebo usernames!), Jack returned home to Belfast, and me to Aberdeen. And just like that, we entered the world of long distance relationships. Three years we were in that world. And believe me, it was a long three years. But finally in 2013, I had finished University, and we took the plunge to move to Cardiff. We went from seeing each other once a month, to living together. It was pretty relationship defining. But it worked.. He's my husband now isn't he? It was probably because I'm super easy to live with. And well, how did I find living with Jack.. I'll come on to that in a minute.

So you might be wondering why we chose to move to Cardiff? Jack's from Ireland, I'm from Scotland. So it is a valid question. Well, Jack wanted to study there. And for both of us it was important to start our lives together somewhere new. Neither of us wanted to be Billy no mates, whilst the other had their friendship group all figured out. Don't get me wrong, there was a slight transition period where I was a Billy. Two months to be precise. Just a word to the wise, if you want to meet friends born in the same decade as you, don't volunteer in a charity shop. Don't get me wrong, I met some lovely people when I volunteered, but they were more my Granny's age than mine.

But, eventually I found a job. And better than that, I met some age appropriate people. But even better than that, one of my greatest life achievements was realised. One of my best friends, I met in Cardiff, taught me how to say the name of the longest town in Wales - Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Impressive right? I anticipate there being a lot of impressed readers at this point, and I'm sure some sceptics. So if you want some proof… Check out my Instagram story, and prepare to be rhyfeddu (that's the Welsh word for amazed).  

So life was good, I had a job, I had friends, Jack and I were enjoying life together. And then things got even more interesting, we found out we were having Cian. We were both very excited, although a little surprised. But we had both always talked about having children, and I guess then was as good as a time as any. Throughout my pregnancy, I was quite optimistic about raising Cian in Wales. Maybe a little too optimistic. As I said before, neither of us knew anyone in Cardiff. And actually it quickly became apparent, after Cian was born, that family support was going to be critical. So we quickly made the decision, when Cian was 6 weeks old, to move to Edinburgh, my home city. A few months after that, we got engaged, and a year after that we got married. But believe me when I say, it hasn't been plain sailing. But what good love story ever is? That would just make for a super boring RomCom. 

The day Jack got knocked off the top spot
March 2016

So let me talk to you about my reality of starting a family. What has it been like to go from a duo to a trio. You know that saying, 'two's company, three's a crowd'. Well, let's just say, for us there was a little truth to this. To put it bluntly, Jack has been neglected for the better part of three years. Cian knocked him off the number one priority spot on the 23rd March 2016, and let's face it, he's never getting that spot back. Don’t get me wrong, Jack definitely ranks in my top 5. But if i'm being brutally honest, it goes something like this..

1. Cian
2. Cian
3. Housework
4. Jack
5. My Job

But neglecting your husband is normal right? I honestly don't really know. It's not something that is discussed. I guess no one wants to be the first to admit it. But, you learn about all the other side effects of being a mother - saggy boobs, poor bladder control, emotional outbursts. But neglecting your partner? Not talked about. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just a horrible wife for not making the time for Jack? Should I just not do housework, live in a pigsty and spend time with my husband? I don't know what the right answer is. But really, I know for the sake of my sanity, I cannot live in a pigsty. My happiness is very strongly correlated to the cleanliness of my house. If my house is a tip, I'll be giving you lip. But if my house is clean, I ain't gonna be mean. Like my rhyme? So anyway, in my world, the cleaning, the dishes, the laundry all needs to be done before I can even consider being a loving wife. The trouble is, after all that has been done, I'm too tired to be a loving wife!

Now, I believe in giving credit where credit is due. So here's a quick shout out to Jack for helping a little more around the house. A little more.. This has been a relatively recent development. Now Jack, correct me if I'm wrong here.. But really, this has come in to play as a result of too many arguments about housework. Jack has now either seen the error of his ways (very unlikely), or he's figured out that a little bit of housework keeps me quiet (very likely). But as I said earlier, I don't know what goes on in his head. Marriage for me is a guessing game. It's like trying to figure out what a one year old wants. Trial and error really. Well, in my experience a one-year old is more helpful. They give you the occasional hand gesture. Don't get me wrong, I do get hand gestures from Jack, but just not very productive ones.

Family of 3 - Cian's first day of Nursery
October 2016

Now I don't want to get bogged down in the nitty-gritty of who does what chore in our household. But just while we're on this subject, I just want to know, is it just my husband who has difficulty hanging up the washing? Why he chooses to cram all the clothes into one quarter of the drying rack really confuses me. The man doesn't even shake out the creases first. I am convinced he just does it really badly on purpose. You know, so I don't ask him to do it again. And it's worked, because I could count on one hand the number of times he's hung up washing in the last 9 years. Well played Jack, well played.

But really, housework aside, I personally find it very hard to balance my time between Cian, working full-time, housework and Jack. And that's just with one child in the mix. Jack has said that it sometime feels as though we are just flat mates. Flat mates who raise a child together. There's not as much affection between us as there once was. But again, is that not normal after having a child and nine years together? Again, I wouldn't really know because nobody talks about it!

But it is sad, because we were a couple before we became a family. So in a recent attempt to upgrade myself from flat mate to wife, we have introduced Operation Date Night. That actually wasn't the name of this, I just think it sounds cooler. Operation Date Night is where once a week we do something together. Not necessarily go out, but just have a night where we actually interact instead of watching the TV, and sitting at opposite ends of the sofa. We're still looking for ideas, so please hit me up if you have any. We'll probably exhaust the realm of board games pretty quickly. 

Maybe if Jack doesn't kill me for posting this blog post, I will give you an update in a few months on Operation Date Night. Either that or a blog post on how me and my flat mate are getting on at co-parenting. This blog post could really go on forever. I could list to you the arguments we have had over the years. But it always comes down to this balancing act of toddler, eat, housework, repeat... Oh and husband! Maybe we can start to talk about this a little more. Don't get me wrong, I can be a little strange, but I think this is one of those times, where I'm actually not the only one who struggles with this juggling act.